I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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