At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
