Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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