Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
