I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
