I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
