the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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