I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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