just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize