did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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