Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
