Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Already got asked if we're dating
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
