They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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