his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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