Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
