4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My vagina just clenched in fear
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
