The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize