you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
