but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This is classic penis vs brain.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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