Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
