my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
