Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
