is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
