I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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