well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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