Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
