just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
