I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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