first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
