i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
