Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
