thus making me awesome and them whores
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
