i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
