covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
