it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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