Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
