i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
