He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
