Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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