last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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