I'm jealous of your bromance
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
