Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
