The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
