I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
