shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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