Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
