were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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