josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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