Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
