so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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