so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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