do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
