First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
