I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
