peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Is it because I queefed?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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