I'll bet she douches with gravy.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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