Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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