Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
