Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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