I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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