He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
