i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
