I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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