I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
