Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
did i walk over a car last night?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
