You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
