He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
