Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
