At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
should my penis look like a turkey
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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