everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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