A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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