Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
vagina is talking i cant
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
