He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We left the knife in your bed.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
