Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
