I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
