I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
