ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize