Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
