she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
